Monday, September 7, 2009
OUTLINE
Introduction:Purpose of the essay
I. Personal information.
a. Name
b. Date of birth
c. Origin
d. Occupation
e. Family
f. Friends
II. Personality
a. Personality
b. Likes
c. Dislikes
III. Turning points and goals
a. Positive turning points
b. Short-term goals
c. Long-term goals
Conclusion
FINAL DRAFT
Do you know all the people around you? All people are different because of a wide variety of aspects related to their lives. For this reason, this essay has the purpose to introduce myself to the people that do not know me. It will be about the most important aspects of my life related to my personal information, personality, turning points and goals, which all together have a big influence on my life. Would you like to know me? Let us start reading.
In order for you to know me, first, you have to know about my personal information. My name is Adriana Serna Olivares; I was born on April 23rd, in 1989, in Pabellón de Arteaga. Nowadays, I am a student of the Bachelor of Arts in English Language Teaching, and I help my family in our stationery store.
My family is made up of the following members: my father, my mother, my two sisters, and my brother; I love my family even though we have arguments because of our different ideas.
I have had a few friends during my whole life, now I consider that I have 9 friends, each one is very special in a different way for me. My friends are Dennise, Luis Fernando, Jairo, Susi, Andrea, Greta, Vero, Karina and Alejandra.
My life is influenced by my origin, occupation, family, friends, and so on; in addition, another aspect that impacts my life is my personality.
I think that my personality is strange because of my preferences. For this reason, one day that I was talking to my father about the things that I like, he told me that I was crazy and strange. I am a happy person; the most notable characteristics about me are: reliable, faithful, moody (depending on the environment), and loving, but I do not express my feelings easily.
Moreover, I like and dislike many things; I like to read; listen to rock, pop, reggeaton, and classical music; in addition, I like to dance all kinds of music, and to watch television specially TV series like “El internado”, “Criminal minds”, “CSI: Las Vegas”, etc. I also like the color yellow, and my favorite animals are canaries, scorpions, spiders, and snakes, this was the reason why my father called me crazy and strange. In contrast, the things that I hate are a few: I hate cats because 3 years ago, a cat killed my yellow canary; for this reason, these days, each time I see that cat, I throw rocks at it. I hate the people that are fake, stuck-up, or vain. Finally, I hate to hate because that is a bad feeling. My personality has been influenced by some factors like the turning points and goals of my life.
In my life there have been turning points that have modified my life and my goals. A turning point of my life was when I changed my personality because I was so introvert, and became mature. Another positive turning point that my life had was when I decided to study the Bachelor of Arts in English Language Teaching because before taking this decision, I wanted to study Criminology. For this reason, today, my short-term goals are to finish my major by having good grades, and to have a good relationship with my family and friends.
My long-term goals are to get a good job, to travel, and I am not sure about getting married, but I want to have two children whose names will be feminine names: Yellow, Loretta or Margot; masculine names: Logan, or Jared. I hope that my goals come true, and that all the characteristics that I have never change.
My life is influenced by a big variety of aspects and factors. Those factors are my personal information, for example: my origin, occupation, family, friends, and so on. My personality is different from other people, and I think that I am a strange person, but with good thoughts. Finally, the turning points of my life like becoming mature, and choosing a major have changed my goals. These are some of my characteristics, but there are more that you have to discover in order to know the real Adriana.
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2 comments:
Peer Editing Checklist.
By: Alejandra J. Rosales R.
1. Can you identify the main idea or thesis in this essay? Yes
2. If so, write the thesis here:
All people are different because of a big variety of aspects related to their lives.
3. Does the thesis contain the author’s topic and their opinion or stand on this subject? Yes
4. Does this essay have an introduction? Yes
5. Does the introduction give an outline of what the author is going to talk about? Yes
6. Is the writing clear and understandable? Yes
7. Are there parts of the essay that are unclear? If so, underline them and put a question mark next to the passage. Yes.
8. Does the essay have a clearly organized middle section, with ideas separated into paragraphs? Yes
9. Does each paragraph begin with a topic sentence? Yes
10. Does each paragraph end with a transition sentence, smoothly connecting the ideas of the previous paragraph to the next? Yes
11. Does the essay have a concluding paragraph? Yes
12. Does the conclusion restate the main points of the essay in a new way and give a sense of completion to the essay? Yes
Your essay was very good. It was well structures and had all the essential characteristics it needed. There was a couple of grammatical mistakes as well as a couple of word misinterpretation.
Peer Revision and Editing Form.
By: Fernando Muro.
Content
- Is the writing interesting? The essay contain the neccesary information.
- Does the writing achieve the writer's purpose? Yes, the ideas I very clear and good organized.
- Are there enough details? Yes, as when she explains why she hates cats.
- Are there unrelated ideas or details that distract the reader? No
- Are unfamiliar terms explained or defined? Some of them, she could explain her friends.
Organization
- Are ideas and details arranged in the best possible order? Yes, each paragraph is well linked to the second.
- Are the logical connections between ideas and sentences clear?Yes.
Style
- Is the meaning clear? As much as she can.
- Does the writing contain cliches or overworked phrases. Everything is clear enough.
- Is the language appropriate for the audience and purpose? She uses simple vocabulary that is very understandable.
The paragraph is almost perfect because everything is very clear! Just check a few spelling errors!
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